i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize