Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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