Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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