I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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