I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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