i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
