Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
