dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I still have a little drunk in my system
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
