Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
