I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
