i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
