ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
