I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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