Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
