I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
