I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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