just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
