His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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