What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
