i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
