She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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