alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
