About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
