Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
