4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
