Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
