could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
