My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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