Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
