When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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