Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize