she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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