So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
