I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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