so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
