so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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