Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
