I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he quoted the bible to break up with me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
