He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
