Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
