??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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