can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
