we were pretty classy up until the second keg
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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