i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
