I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
