hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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