when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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