walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
