Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
