i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
