grandma shit on top of the toilet
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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