My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
