He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she pinky promised me she was 18
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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