Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's a Shit stain on my heart
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
