Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize