But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Two words: blizzard sex
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
