is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
