It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
