he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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