You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am one with the molecules
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
