Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
