If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
