I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
