I just pynch a tree in the face
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
