I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
