i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
