Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
