It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
