i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
