I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
