You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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