I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
