Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
